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1937年12月13日，南京沦陷，国民政府迁都武汉。日军在南京进行长达数月之久惨绝人寰的屠杀、奸淫、掠夺、放火。其间具体遇难的人数已不可考。坐落于南京的南京大屠杀纪念馆外赫然刻着“遇难者三十万”，可为参考。

今天，2007年12月13日，大屠杀已整整过去70年了，当年屠杀的幸存者及制造者多半早已作古。今天，屠杀幸存者直接或间接的后代们对此事有何感想呢？今天，我们“一衣带水的友好邻邦”对此事又有何感想呢？今天，世界其他地区对此事有无感想呢？很简单。我们只需看看电视，听听广播，上上网，答案便一目了然了。如果我们进一步问问自己，在一百年后、两百年后的世界里，人们对此又有何感想呢？可有人知道？

我们可能并不能活在那时的世界里，对此事有个确切地观察。可我们可以问问自己对世界上其他一些事件的看法，开动开动脑筋，便能有一个大致的估计了。

秦始皇墓可以说是中国历史上最宏伟，最壮观的陵墓了。其建造过程也可以说是最血腥，最残酷的。相传秦始皇墓动用了72万人38年时间，也只是部分完工。其殉葬的人数以万计，包括建筑工匠、王宫嫔妃、甚至王侯将相，这种规模可谓无人能右。这是国家有计划、有组织的屠杀。秦始皇已作古两千余年。大家在谈到他的时候，这件事能排第几呢？

成吉思汗也开创了一代帝国：元朝。虽然只有短短几十年，但其疆土的辽阔却是旷古未有的。中国人对这段历史有一种矛盾的情感。一方面，汉族被蒙古族人统治着，有一种亡国的悲凉。另一方面，元朝定都于现在的北京，作为中国的代言人，控制着广阔的疆域。而当时的蒙古人也成了中国人的一支，各位有没有一丝暗喜呢？抛开这些不说，成吉思汗西征时却也是及其残酷的，城池如被攻下，即被屠城，妇孺不留。这在金庸的“射雕英雄传”中可略见一斑。就是现在，西域的一些国家对此还是有所畏惧的。而成吉思汗的基因也成了世上传播最广的基因。我们对成吉思汗的认识是不是只识弯弓射大雕的天骄呢？

屠城的暴行满清也有染指。大家听到“扬州十日，嘉定三屠”时是不是首先想到韦小宝呢？是喜？是悲?还是无所谓呢？

南京大屠杀也被称为南京事件，Nanking Massacre，Rape of Nanking。对此我就不多说了。

二战时德国对犹太人实行了种族大屠杀，有说将近六百万犹太人惨遭杀害。由于西方传媒对此宣传很多，西方人了解的也较多。我们为什么会对此有所知呢？是热衷于西方文化吗？

二战的末期日本也尝到了被屠杀的痛楚。广岛和长崎成了日本永远的痛。几十万人在瞬间灰飞烟灭了，也许这样走会没有什么痛苦，也许。这是报应吗？这是他们应得的吗？

社会主义文化大革命是什么呢？

1994年，一百万人在短短三个月内被屠杀，是南京大屠杀的三倍。发生的地点却是长期被人遗忘的黑非洲：卢旺达。我们对此了解多少呢？一百万是一个数字吗？
紧接而来的是1998年的印尼反华人大屠杀。the first thing coming to your mind… is… what?

然后是911以及反恐战争。 有人说，当世界其他地方的人看见双子塔倒下的时候是兴奋，这是美国的悲哀。我说，这是美国的悲哀，也是世界的悲哀。。。

生活在其他地区、其他时间的人对南京事件有何看法呢？这正是我们对秦始皇、成吉思汗、扬州、嘉定、奥斯维辛、广岛和长崎、文化大革命、卢旺达、印尼反华、911 etc.的看法。

One million, is a number; three hundred thousand, is a number; three thousand, is also a number; and one, is still a number. But does number matter?

Recently, the US House passed a resolution urging the Japanese government to formally apologize for the wrong doings of the “comfort women” in WW II. Yes, it is the right thing to do… we can say that because we know our history… More recently, the US House committee voted to call the mass killing of Americans in Turkey in WW I as an act of genocide, almost one century after the killing. Is the purpose of the bill really to reveal that forgotten history? Or is it just a result of the dynamics of domestic politics? Can we nod our head and say: yes, it is the right thing to do, with the same confidence? If we can’t, can we expect other people view the “Nanking affair” from the same angle as we do?

I cannot list all the holocausts in history. Frankly, I only know a small portion… but same is for everyone else in the world… they may just happen not knowing the rape of Nanking. How is Nanking any different from Auschwitz, Yangzhou, Jiading, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Rwanda, Indonesia, New York, Iraq, and many other places in the world? In some sense, maybe it is not. Maybe we need to know what happened, learn the lesson, and focus on the future.

Don’t make me wrong, we have to remember the history, if we don’t, no one else will… we have to remember our history, because there are people in the world only remembering their own history… but simply remembering “our” history is not enough… if we do, everyone else will follow… You may say, we have to do this, it is how the cards are played right now… yes, it is the current situation… but are the cards played under the right rules? for the right purpose?

Hatred, hatred, hatred… but hatred alone does not solve any problem… and do we hate the right target? For this, I like what the Japanese American said in the panel discussion at Stanford a month ago: it doesn’t matter whether it’s Japanese or German, it’s war, it’s war that make people lose themselves. it’s war that make people inhumane. it’s war that make people insane.

and it is war…

I went to a panel discussion on Nanking Massacre at Stanford today, Room 370, Bldg 370. When I got there, I was surprised to find out that the room was quite small. Less than a hundred people sat through the discussion. What happened? Is this the difference between the east coast and west coast? Frankly speaking, the discussion was still enlightening… I just wished to hear opinions from both sides, debates of some kind… but only found out its education purpose… what’s the purpose of a panel if everyone thinks the same?

It was the first time I saw Iris Chang’s parents, describing their daughter’s story on the best seller book “Rape of Nanking”. They must have talked the same story to people over and over again…

Talking about Iris Chang, I recall the first time I saw her. It was in late April, 2003, at Princeton University, the closing event for APAHM. APAHM means Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, in case you don’t know. At that time I had no idea who Iris was, but a friend dragged me there. The place was McCosh 50, the biggest classroom on campus, seating 500 people. Big the room was, it was packed, literally packed. Iris went to Princeton to promote her new book, “The Chinese in America: A Narrative History”. She did not mention Nanking during her speech at all. However, all questions from the audience were about Nanking… How popular the book was? That raised my interest… Later I talked to Paula and other people, and found out how significant the book was… The book was the first one to educate Americans on that piece of history. It was the best seller in New York times when it was first out in 1997. I kept an eye on her after the event… only sadly found out her suicide one year later…

Well, it’s 70th anniversary of Nanking Massacre… it’s time to think about it again… I actually wrote something last year, but never finished… maybe it’s time to complete my assignment…

It’s two years since my dear personal website was cut off by the Princeton OIT people… and I always felt lack of something… so I started writing my blog last year… and I still felt something missing… well… now I should feel happy… at least for one thing… I have a new personal website (beta)… launched today!

I’m still working on the content of the website… mostly adding more pictures… because I want to keep a single code base (computer term)… I still put all my essays in my blog and my new personal website just RSS the blog… and I put all my pictures in my picasa album and also my website link to that… another important reason that prompted me to do this way is that I host my website using an old computer borrowed from my company… at home… in comcast… so you know I can’t use a lot of bandwidth… hehe… it is shared w/ the bandwidth for my personal use…  however… I still encourage you guys visit my website… instead of the album/blog directly… coz I may use multiple album accounts to save my pictures… and essays? and they are linked from a single place… my website…

Also, a more important reason is that I will put some ads from google to the website… haha… want to make some money… I really envy some guy… (don’t want to mention the name)… who can earn over a hundred dollar a month simply by visitors clicking the ads… for me…. no hope… my blog has less than a thousand clicks over the last year … I’m still working on the ads part… hope google will grant my application soon… … and also, I even applied a domain name for my website…. too bad my name was already registered by some unknown guy… so I made some compromise… now you can access my website by www.feisun.org

please visit often… give me some feedback… and don’t forget the ads..

前一段时间在blog上看到有些朋友被点名了。。。当时还窃喜。。。想自己逃过一劫。。可没想到还是被点了。。。别人点还可以脸皮厚点，可这次是Miss. Man点名，不由得心虚。不敢不从。。。Here I promise to Miss. Man, I tell the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth… however (as everything has a however), as I said, it only reflects my thoughts at the time of writing. One cannot assume that I possess the same thoughts at other times.

游戏规则：
A、被点到名字的要在自己的空间里写下自己的答案。然后去掉一个你最不喜欢 的问题再加上一个你的问题，仍然组成20个问题，传给其他8个人，列出其他8个需要回答问题的人的名字，还要到这8个人的博客里留言通知对方——你被点名 了，被点名者不得拒绝回答问题，完成游戏的人将会永远得到大家的祝福。
B、这8个人要在自己的博客里注明是从哪里接到的，并且再传给其他8个人，让游戏继续下去，不得回传。被点到名字的人将会得到大家的祝福，并且所有美好的愿望都会在不久的将来实现。
1、从谁那里接到的题目？
Miss. Man

2、2007年最难过的是什么？
离开普林已经两年了。。。今年唯一一次回去是伤心的去，伤心的回。。。

3、2007年最大的心愿是什么？
改过自新，重新做人。

4、你会毫无保留地相信你的朋友吗？为什么？
In short, NO. 我连自己都不相信，何况别人。

5、结婚以后，你想要几个孩子
三个。第一个男，第二个女。第三个无所谓。第二胎在第一胎后两年，第三胎在第二胎后五年。。。（做梦吧，不是我决定的。。。不必认真）

6、哪种类型的异性让你最反感，你喜欢暧昧的感觉吗？
这是两个问题吧。。。
从没觉得哪个人让我反感（或者说不记得了），就是对我很mean的人我也没觉得怎样。。。不过话说回来，可能我有时对人很mean自己也没察觉。
先要定义一下暧昧是什么吧。。。是自己没想好吗？我怎么觉得这是很痛苦的事。。。

7、初恋几岁，结果如何？
如果算上看一下女生脸就红那种朦胧感觉的话。。是初中。。。如果不算的话。。。好像没有耶。。。

8、你现在最想拥有的是什么？
快速交通工具。。中国白天在中国玩，美国白天在美国上班（班还是要上的）。。。不用睡觉。。。哈哈。。。

9、你的理想是什么？
成为一个觉者。。。哈哈。。。just kidding。。。弄清楚世界是怎么来的。。。那是痴人说梦吧。。。

10、在你心中我是怎样一个人？
一个很有个性很厉害的“小”妹妹。。。说的事不敢不从。。。像今天一样。。。

11、如果可以重来你最想改变的是什么？
从头开始，但要记住今生的所有事情。。。这是个典型的feedback optimization问题。。。

12、你理想的伴侣应该具有什么样的品质？
实话实说，这是要保密的。。。要不然以后找女朋友就没得玩了。。。现在的标准不是以后的标准。。。这种东西我已经变过好多次了。。。

13、什么才算得上真正的朋友？
不是说君子之交淡如水吗？要像水一样。。。想来我做得挺好的。。。不善于远程联系。。记性不好。。见不了面就想不到联系。。。不过要能见到的话还是会想到的。。。

14、让你最难忘的一个异性是谁？
话说失去的才觉可贵，现在能见着的不见得难忘。。又说时间能抹平一切伤痕。。。现在见不着的、难忘的人不见得以后还难忘。。。没有绝对难忘的人。。。看来我空性学的还挺好。。。

15、最近最让你迷茫的事情是什么？
这篇paper是写还是不写呢？

16、不开心的时候你会做什么？如果是自己关心的人不开心了呢？你会为她（他）做些什么？
那要看为什么不开心了。。。一般来说，我会不说话。。。
要爸爸妈妈不开心了。。。小时候就发呆。。。现在就讲大道理。。。

17、最想去哪里？为什么？
最想去的地方就是最不可能去的地方。。。要不然去了以后还有什么最想去的地方呢？
信基督教的话，最想去的地方是天堂。。。要看一看上帝是不是真的。。。
信佛教的话，最想去的是见识见识佛的境界。。。看看大千世界是什么样的。。。
信科学的话，最想去的地方是宇宙边缘，如果能到宇宙之外就更好了。。。不过这好像和科学矛盾。。。

18、如果可以选择，哪一样特质/能力是你最想得到的？
hoho，我这个人很贪的。。。我所有没有的能力都想得到。。。一个典型的perfectionist。。。
另一个选择就是做到：恶念不起，善念不生。。。成佛。。。（这样的话其他的能力都不是问题）不过话说回来，要做到这点先要修四圣谛、八正道、十二因缘、六波罗蜜。。。太难了吧。。。

19、能请我吃饭吗？什么时候？
好。。。吃了你那么多白食。。也该回请了。。。可以去饭馆吗？

20、有自卑过吗？怎么找回自信的？没有的话，告诉我一直保持自信的秘诀吧。
生活在自卑中的话就不必找自信了。。。

21。如果让你选择一个名人做配偶，你会选择谁？理由是什么？
记性不好。。。脑子里没觉得有什么名人。。。值得做我配偶的。。。

我去掉问题，可以不用回答7或者19，我添加问题：
跟7-10年前相比你变化最大的是什么？有意识地改变的么？最没变的是什么？

点名：Jie， Metero， Fei， Chen Z，nora，Jun Lin， jing， luoluo，被点到名字的同学，如果这个游戏太无聊，不好意思哈，谁要我在msn里面总看到你们，你们又有博客呢？fang 或者 icy的博客，可能主题明确专版专用，如果不想参加就算了，免得破坏了版面完整，想参加就热烈欢迎哈。

最近听了很多Vienna Teng的歌。But I did not even think of checking the lyrics.其中一首歌我老听成decade away，觉得很凄凉。When I checked the lyrics out a few days ago, I found it was actually decade and one… which actually a little disappoints me… :(我感觉decade away其实也别有一番风味。Now a days, distance in space is not a problem.电话、因特网可以瞬时和对方联系上。And jet planes can transport a person to anywhere on earth in tens of hours.但对时间上的距离人们却是一筹莫展。Even though time is just another dimension, man still don’t have the freedom to go back and forth. 而只能以一个特有的速率前进，aging. Even though two persons are only a decade away, they cannot come any closer, which is a really, really sad thing. 爱因斯坦从理论上提出了一种方法可以使人在时间轴上变得更近。It only requires the two person travel at different speed…但难道真的要我以0.99c的速度出去兜一圈吗？

昨天saying发给我一个link，问我认识不认识这个人。我一看。。。是一个征mm的帖子。oops。。。老乡，又是同一年的。。suppose应该认识。那年我们那儿去清华的也没几个人。。。可看看介绍，wow，国内知名推理悬疑作家，已出版了三部小说，一部电影。。。我突然有点迷惑，清华有学文的吗？我可不认识有清华学文的人。。。再看看照片，怎么也想不起这号人来。。。我又想起前几次和老同学聚会，翻了翻以前的照片，我老是问，这人是谁，那人是谁。。。也许我记性真的变差了？。。。只好老老实实告诉saying我不认识。

saying还不相信。。。其实我也不相信。。。这几率也就三选一。怎么我就看不出他是三人中的谁呢？幸好saying又给了我他的名字。。。well，他的形象立刻就出现在我的脑子里了。。。看来还是名字管用，尽管是对我这个向来不记名字的人来说。。。哈哈。。。

果然和以前长的大不一样。。。比以前壮实了（也就我还象以前那么瘦弱），看上去很成熟。。。比以前帅了。。。最主要的是，他以前的酒瓶底不见了，不知道是戴了隐形还是用了激光。。。他的这个作家头衔很有迷惑性。。。我以前可不知道他会写文章。。。看来真是很久不联系了。。。我就是不善于远程联系。。。

well。。。他现在可是大作家了。。。事业有成。。。还和一个侵权的电影剧组打官司。。。现在也就我还什么都不是。。郁闷中。。。写的文章也还是这样上句不通下句不顺的。。。想以前语文本来就是我最差的学科。。。虽然很喜欢。。。又花了最多的时间学。。可就是没长进。。。

Anyway。。。没想到他现在还没找到心仪的mm。。。我也不想现在唐突地发封信问候一下。。。就在这儿 bless him ba….

After having dinner in a restaurant today… I picked up a fortune cookie…  "Instead of worrying and agonizing, move ahead constructively"… that’s what I should do…

en… that’s what I should do now…

I did not expect to listen to Vienna Teng’s concert again today… but it just came true… Thanks for the Palo Alto county… The songs were sooo beautiful… just the same as the album I have, “waking hour”. I had a copy in my car and I listen to it once a while… it’s quite a feeling… and I keep the original copy somewhere in my album collection… It may be my only album that has the singer and song writer’s signature…

I first heard about Vienna Teng’s song at Princeton… in person… A friend invited Vienna to give a concert at Cafe Vivian as a CSA event… I liked her song immediately… I didn’t really care about the voice… because the mixer, amplifier could turn anyone’s voice into a golden voice… but the note, the pitch, the music, and the story were all perfect… an hour’s concert was just too short… It’s hard to follow up the lyrics though… I just came to the states not long before… so it was not quite surprising… but Paula, the director of international center, also told me the same thing… I also really admired my friend… a freshman… could organize such an event… alone… what a person… I could not or dared not to do that when I was a freshman… maybe I can do it now… but it’s still a question mark…

Vienna is an interesting person… she graduated from Stanford in computer science… followed her father’s advice… but later she found out what she really liked was writing songs and singing songs… so she finally gave up all her knowledge on computer science and started her new career… a brave girl…

Back to now… I bought Vienna’s second and third album after the concert, and managed to get her signature again…. but I felt a bit disappointed… the songs, except a few, were not nearly as good as the first album… maybe I could sense something in the concert… most of her songs she sang today were from the first album… obviously, she changed her style… maybe because she no longer has the feeling she had five years ago… maybe because I cannot apprehend her feeling now… it’s indeed hard to write songs… requiring a lot of intuition… she’s no longer a little girl… must have experienced a lot… as I could see from her tattoo around the neck… she could sing the old songs the same as before… but no more new exciting songs… I just feel like her five years ago more…

Anyway… bless Vienna Teng.. a Chinese folk singer that loves music…

by the way… it is freaking cold today… I realized it immediately I arrived at the park.. everyone’s wearing jacket or blanket… I only wore a T-shirt… so I was trembling all through the concert… 🙁 can’t believe the weather is like this… last year I experienced the hottest summer in history… and immediately.. this year is the coldest year in history… damn…

Just read a news from mercury news… giant squid invading monterey bay… wow… that’s quite something…. it’s definitely global warming effect… the giant squid… usually found around equator… appear here? in the freezing (or used to be freezing) water from Alaska? well, the bad news is… can’t really dive in the sea…. those 7-foot, 100 pound squids are waiting for their dinner… :(… but the water is still too cold for me… so I don’t really care… the question now is… is it edible? I love seafood… I always dream of having a grilled whole something from the sea… just like the grilled whole lamb in the inner Mongolia…. and now.. we can have grilled whole squid? sounds really tasty… 😉

In another sense, putting aside the dirty politics… global warming is not a totally bad thing… we only need to change our diet… squid is really tasty… so… we can reduce the food chain… eat less pork, beef, lamb… those stupid mammals will soon be extinct anyway… we just need to eat more primitive stuff… like squid..? or even blue-green algae… heard astronauts need to eat them in the space… and we do find a lot more of them these days… it overwhelmed all major lakes in China… hmm.. it is actually a lot more humane… coz we don’t feel like killing something… if we can live with that… global warming is a piece of cake… or not a problem at all…

haha… can’t wait to jump into the warm… body temperature… water from Alaska… in a few years… and BBQ grilled giant squid… having blue-green algae as salad soup…;) those poor people in the east coast have to be away from the boiling water from the south… who said west coast is not good? thank God I’m in the best place… in a few years…

//grin…

In the all hands today, I was asked to give three statements about my past, two false and one true… Below are my statements… guess which one is true?

1. In China, athletes are trained at very young age. When I was at elementary school, I was trained to be a table tennis player at prefecture level for a couple of years. Then I lost interest in it and became a member of the school’s track and field’s team, mainly focusing on high jumps. I was still a high jumper in part of my junior high, then I completely discontinued it in my senior high. Now I don’t do much of any sport.

2. In China, there are a lot of students in the same class. Because we have a lot of people, the competition to get good grades in the class is intense. Unlike United States, we know our relative position in the class, like top 10%, top 20%, bottom 30% etc. So, the statement is: I have never been in the bottom 50% since my first grade.

3. In my junior high and senior high, that is from seventh grade to twelves grade, we have a few kind of important subjects. Some other subjects are less important. For example, Chinese, English, maths, physics, chemistry, and politics are more important than subjects like history and geography.  For some of those more important subjects, there are some contests. They are actually step by step contests to select people for the international olympics of maths, physics, chemistry etc. I liked physics a lot. I spent a lot of time studying physics for the contests. However, I did not receive any major prize in physics contests, both in my junior high and senior high. In contrast, I started chemistry quite late. I only spent a little bit of time on chemistry, and surprisingly got better prizes, also both in my junior high and senior high. However, after I got into college, I did not take a single course on chemistry.

Which one is true?